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Community Grief Gathering

Julius grave mossing.jpg
last Jx4.jpg

Community Event

Community Grief Gathering

This is a long explanation about a short but sensitive event. I hope you'll understand why after looking through it....

Sunday, November 12th, 2023, we will be holding one year since our son Julius’s death by suicide. And one year since this community wondrously came together to help make beauty of tragedy. We are letting our hearts break. Though Jonathan, Jay
e, Lily, Kelly, Jeff, and I can't know what we each will be up for this day, I know as much as I'd  love  to be part of another coming together of community, so much so that I'm willing to help plan and show up for it, even in rawness. But here's the thing: I don't want flowers or sympathy that set me apart as special. Because it seems to me, we are all  grieving something. What I long for that day is  connection, sitting with you in the realness of your own grief, too, in  a setting intended to deeply nurture each of us. So in this spirit I ask,

 What grief are YOU holding? 
How did witnessing Julius’s death change YOU 
 or your relationship to grief & death?

I share with you now this vision of options I invite you to co-create with me that afternoon:

  • dropping by when you can, staying for as long as you like , rather than a formal grief circle that some may not be able to attend

  • a fire to tend

  • writing about your grief, privately ahead of time or on site,  to put in The Grief Basket for burning that eve, especially if not ready to share aloud

  • writing about how witnessing Julius's death changed you,  ahead of time to email Molly or on site, for a community compilation

  • talking  about your grief with one of the Grief Tenders present, who are trained or skilled in holding space, and who will be wearing black sashes, especially if you don't yet feel ready to with other guests

  • taking turns  sharing and holding space with other guests, if you feel ready

  • listening to music by local musicians, even if you don't partake in any of the other options

  • enjoying the presence of these  Celo-based organizations : Death Seedling Life who co-created with you all Julius's vigil & burial, and some of its DeathFellows, Remembering Earth who facilitated Julius's teen memorial, and Into the Light Community Companions for End of Life who formed inspired by witnessing Julius's  death, should learning more about their offerings inspire you, too

If you're not sure what grief you hold, aside from a  loved one's death,  here are possibilities all of us hold, some simply from enduring  modern  civilized living:

















Here's  more about the list'a first five, Francis Weller's  Five Gates of Grief summarized in video and in writing from  his book I highly recommend, Wild Edge of Sorrow.  Please note,  while our event is not suited to processing trauma out loud, it can honor trauma by your writing about it for the Grief Basket, at your discretion.

Prechtel grief is praise.jpg

Here's the other thing to explain. Since our society doesn't teach us how to do grief skillfully, and grief may be one of the hardest things there is, public grief events  often entail long explanations too, but also a structured container to keep the experience healthy and loving. And I'd rather honor what each of us is up for that day with an open container, which in some ways involves greater challenge. So if you do decide to share some grief out loud––and I hope you too are willing to get a bit bravely vulnerable––here are intentions we invite you into:

  • first asking each other's permission, being ok saying  or receiving "no thank you"  or "oh thank you"

  • keeping confidentiality, non-judgement &compassion, especially with big emotions welcomed here

  • taking turns sharing and listening,  mindful of equal time with other than Grief Tenders

  • respecting comfort zones, neither over nor under sharing

  • saying simply "thank you" after someone's share, rather than trying to fix, cheer up, praise, compare stories, or offer unsolicited advice, as we're taught , with the best intentions

As the old saying goes, joy shared is multiplied, sorrow shared is divided. Community may be needed for, and the result of, tending one another's grief.

For more about grief, here are more resources I'd recommend:

Here's what to bring: 
1. BYOG: "bring your own grief" plus a photo or other memento
     to show about your grief or how you’ve changed with Julius’s death
2. your own chair
     to relax and stay awhile
3. your own drink & snack
     so we may focus instead on nourishing our connections 


Event Date: Sunday, November 12th, 2023
2-6pm drop in
end time in appreciation of Open Studios artists

Venue: our son's grave in the woods beside our home
rain or shine, raincover provided

Who: all welcome, even those we've not yet met

We welcome you, as you are.

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