The Good Daughter, 5 Year Old, and Queen: An Intro to Personal Wholeness Energetics Coaching Sessions, but on MySelf

photo excerpted from my 2025 New Year's Intention Map

I’m feeling worn down, humbly and perhaps perfectly so. After our son Julius’s death almost three years ago, and through Hurricane Helene a year ago, I was able to come eventually to a sense of radical acceptance, maybe by virtue of spiritual practice coupled with such devastating loss. So it seems ironic that what’s brining me to my knees now—after burying my firstborn and digging out my community—is my parents’ elder circumstances since January. But with my parents, I find myself back in the crucible of my formative codependence, in a Power of Attorney role exaggerating my old caretaking compulsion, convincing me I know better than they do what’s in their best interests, and exhausting myself with the excuse of watching out for them. I want to trust that past tragedies may have primed me for this “Perfect Storm” challenge of my life with my parents. But in the past, when I may’ve had a downhill advantage toward surrender thanks to loss, now it’s as if I’ve created an uphill climb toward it, given perceived responsibility. It seems I ought to know better, given hard-won wisdom, how to let go and allow gravity to work in my favor in my relationship with my parents.

If I can’t claim wisdom’s advantage yet, one I can claim is that the Wholeness Energetics (WE) coaching modality I use to guide others—maybe some of you—I can also use to guide myself. These many months I’ve done many sessions on myself: diving deep into my subconscious, companioned by the superconscious, using muscle testing (aka Applied Kinesiology) to guide the way, discovering and dissolving buried beliefs in my own way, intuiting my highest and best goal on the other side of them, and getting marching orders about practical next steps. My hope is that my sharing may help you understand more about the Personal Wholeness Energetics Coaching Sessions I offer as well as my own journey.

In these Wholeness Energetics self-sessions, I’ve discovered parts of myself, like The Good Daughter, who’s returned to try to run the show. I’d ritualistically buried this part of me years ago in a mountaintop ceremony after a pivotal self-session. But she must have clawed herself back out of the grave, like in Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video, hearing this recent call to duty with my parents.  I’ve journeyed to retrieve my five-year-old self, rebellious enough to have cut off her long hair before she was to be paraded as a Flower Girl or to have tried to set boundaries with running away. The Good Daughter replaced this feistier part of me who I threw under the bus, believing that's how I needed to survive the family dynamic. Too, I’ve summoned my Queen, a later-life archetype, post-Mother and pre-Crone. She knows how to compassionately hold (instead of bury) these Wounded Child and Loyal Soldier  parts of me, forgive myself for sacrificing my 5-year-old, plus stay calm, kind, and discerning, navigating with my parents. Though I can’t presume to stay in the Queen, since archetypes we merely borrow, and since I incarnated to embody many parts, I can return to her as needed, and as able, in my messy humanness. 

I’ve found and resolved in these self-sessions lingering subconscious beliefs, a step I believe to be the most valuable in this modality. Despite years of inner work, I was shocked to realize my subconscious still believed, for example, that my innocent little five-year-old was unlovable, a failure, and deserved to be denied and berated, as the muscle testing revealed. I've learned that any conscious goal we set for ourselves, however noble, will be sabotaged by any beliefs to the contrary haunting the subconscious, which many say governs 90%of our operating system. I've learned, personally and professionally, how bringing these subconscious beliefs to light evaporates their power, and how replacing them with a belief that now seems truer can mark a new chapter beginning in our lives.

I’ve found and healed energetic blockages in these self-sessions, as with blocked communication in my throat chakra and lower will white-knuckling its grip in my solar plexus. I've deduced messages from my physcial body in dis-ease and injury, as with financial fear showing up as lower back pain and taking on others' psychic burdens showing up as shoulder pain. I’ve collected compelling data with the help of muscle testing: projections of my wounds onto 3 other females, 4 false identities confusing my orientation, 27 concurrent emotions  short-circuiting my system, 24 fears shutting me down, and more than 30 "shoulds" The Good Daughter felt obligated to enact for the sake of her parents’ welfare. I even discovered 1 vow I came into this lifetime with involving my parents—to embody love despite and thanks to the challenges in our relationships—a vow that’s testing as serving me still.  Speaking of lifetimes, in prior WE sessions, I’ve tested to visit other lifetimes when I’ve partnered with my parents in different roles, and contracted to learn different lessons with them, which helps me accept a more expansive version of who we may each be, in contrast to how triggered I get by how we’re showing up for one another now.  In sessions with others, I know that whatever blockages we're guided to heal that session are neither too much nor not enough, but instead just perfect for that person at that time.

I’ve also been guided in these recent self-sessions toward goals that support both my practical & spiritual paths: 

“I accept this continuing mission with my parents…to include the healing I still need. I embrace all the help I’ll continue to receive, to allow their remaining years to run as they need to.”

Or “I decide to nurture and listen to my Inner Child. We deserve to choose peace and to play, so we may learn what we teach.”

Or the familiar “I let go and let God…,” which remains my most humbling and challenging cause for surrender.

Practical next steps in these sessions range from recommended foods and somatics to nurture me now to which parental interventions to pursue when or not at all.

In this worn down place I find myself in, I’m hopeful. I suspect this lesson again before me about softening and choosing surrender, rather than hardening and habitually over-efforting, isn’t just about my parents. It’s about my longest-standing addiction, to doing and striving, an addiction societally ingrained, one that can feel terrifying whenever some of us risk experimenting instead with relaxed engagement and trust, a transformation that may even be the essence of 12-Step. Choosing trust & surrender can feel like letting down our defenses, even our duties and loyalties. I felt terror just yesterday when I tried. Having spoken of the Queen, I’m also hopeful that my increasing choices for the yin, instead of for our culturally-exploited yang, may honor the Sacred Feminine, something our world may need most from us now. Too, I’m hopeful that I can reframe these hard times with my parents to see the possibility that a last gift of their lives may be helping me heal this addiction and more often embody my Sacred Feminine, in which case they just may become not only my longest but also my most valuable teachers.

I welcome your comments about what this blog brings up for you. Ready to schedule your own Personal Wholeness Energetics Coaching Session? As a new client, the first step is contacting me to schedule your Returning Home Complimentary Consult. I welcome hearing from you.